“I’m Good” Doesn’t Always Mean I’m Good

Ask a lot of African American men how they are doing, and you will hear two words almost automatically: “I’m good.”

But if you know us, you also know “I’m good” can mean a whole lot of things.

“I’m good” can mean I really am good. It can also mean I don’t want to talk about it. It can mean I have too much going on to even explain it. It can mean I have spent my whole life being taught to handle my problems myself. And sometimes, “I’m good” simply means I have not decided whether I trust you enough to tell you that I am not good at all.

That is why I believe therapy has to be relevant to the individual receiving it.

As an African American man, I understand that we do not always describe what we are going through using clinical language. A brother may never say, “I’m struggling with anxiety.” He might say, “Man, my mind won’t shut off.” He may not say, “I’m depressed.” He might tell you, “I just don’t feel like being bothered with anybody.” He may not say that he feels overwhelmed. He may simply say, “Man, I’m tired.”

And sometimes tired does not mean he needs more sleep.

Sometimes he is tired from carrying responsibilities he does not believe he has permission to put down. Sometimes he is tired from trying to provide, protect, perform, and remain composed at the same time. Sometimes he is tired because he was taught that being a man means figuring it out, and asking for help feels too much like admitting he cannot.

That does not mean every African American man has the same experience. We don’t. But culture matters. Our families matter. Our communities matter. Our faith matters. The words we use matter. Even the things we have been taught not to say matter.

That is where therapy can either connect or completely miss us.

A good therapist cannot simply listen for textbook terminology. They have to learn to hear the person behind the words. When a man says, “I’m straight,” maybe the next question should not be another question from the assessment. Maybe it should be, “Tell me what ‘straight’ looks like for you right now.”

That is not abandoning clinical practice. That is making clinical practice human.

We talk a lot about getting more African American men into therapy, and I believe that is important. But maybe the conversation cannot stop with convincing Black men that we need therapy. We also have to make sure that when we get there, therapy is prepared to meet us.

Because getting someone into the room is only the beginning.

If therapy is going to help people heal, therapists must be willing to understand not only what people are saying, but the culture, experiences, and sometimes even the silence behind the words.

Sometimes “I’m good” really means I’m good.

And sometimes it means, “I need you to listen a little closer.”